Being aware of our own impact

In one training, a number of police officers reflected on their feelings about conflict in and out of uniform. Several realised for the first time that their preferred option around conflict was to walk away – but once at work and in uniform, their job involved stepping in. They went on to discuss at length the implications for their responses once in role.

Many of us find ourselves in the position of managing other people’s conflicts – as parents, managers, teachers, policemen and women … the list could go on forever.

What we rarely reflect on is what impact our own relationship to conflict has on those situations. Most of us, for example, prefer to see arguments done and dusted with the minimum of fuss without ‘getting drawn in’ by listening to the full story. And if we are in a position of authority, we take it as a given that we should sort the conflict out, rather than let those involved think it through and find their own solutions.

This is a distinctly disempowering approach that rarely works in the long run, as conflict will always resurface in some form if swept under the carpet. Research shows that people who reach their own solutions are much more likely to stick to them than if they’ve been imposed.